I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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