woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
