this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
