As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
