Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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