Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
