Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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