I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
