It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
