Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
