I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
