It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
