Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
