Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
