It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
