I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize