My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
