i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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