i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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