did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
