google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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