i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
