someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
