If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
