i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
