My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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