She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
