If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My cat gives me a boner
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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