We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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