Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are two peas in an std pod
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
