I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
