well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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