Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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