you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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