it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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