how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
