I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
