someone owes me an orgasm
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
