you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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