I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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