Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
