Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
