Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
