i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
