best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
