I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
