You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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