my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
