They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
