Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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