your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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