every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
high people should be assigned attendants
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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